What's wrong with "suicide?"

It seems to be only about yourself...

• It seems to be only about yourself, but it’s not…

• It’s really about the survivors: how they let you down; how they kept you out; how they…

• For the survivors have to figure out so much (not to mention dealing with the aftermath)

• So what is “suicide” but a commentary on the survivors?

• I’m depressed, but I haven’t talked about how much, or how severe it feels; or I’m at my wit’s end, but once again have not talked about how much of a dead end it seems

• It comes down to not talking, or otherwise enacting what Im experiencing: I reject others’ wishes that I share more

• It’s also a commentary upon life: I don’t value it above my feelings…

• But feelings change: I’m in control of my feelings… I name them & assign them to things...

• So why do I commit suicide?

• To: comment upon the survivors; comment on the priority of my own feelings; or to comment upon the world & its refusal to prioritize my feelings…

• So the suicide is a way of speaking, without being required to speak

• (A footnote: there was remarkably little suicide amongst prisoners… though they would appear to have little incentive to live…)

• I found the “note” of a suicide, in the shredder, but on the top & only partally shredded…

• So it was easy to put together: It said: “Don’t think this is your fault. I’m at my end…”

• It turned out—once his car, then his body, was found—that he’d made special effort to conceal his aim: first waiting until his therapist was out of town, as well as his wife, then driving to a remote spot on the river & loading his pockets with rocks…

• So, despite his claims, he was about concealing his pain

• I say “he” because he was a male, but could also (& more likely) be a female; why “more likely”?

• Because females have both a “lower” place in a male society & and also a greater licence to prioritize their feelings

• So females are more likely to commit suicide, though males are more likely to be depressed, etc.

• But they are more likely to carry out their feelings—a way of expressing, after all—by means of violence

• So we have a preponderance of males committing violence, rather committing violence instead of commiting suicide

• So, that’s what’s wrong with it: whatever the cause, it comes down to not expressing one’s feelings