On Feelings: Part Two

What changes when we know feelings are not caused?

• In my last post—now months ago owing to moving!—we established that feelings are not caused

• In other words, I generate my own feelings and I attach them to things in the world around me: events, the actions of others, accidents, even the weather

• Think about it: how can weather be bad? Or good, for that matter? Weather is a general term for the barometric and atmospheric conditions that are features of the layer of air around the earth (which makes human and other life possible)

• We typically react to the weather by employing the feelings we’ve attached—or learned to attach—to the constantly varying air

• When my children were small I noticed that—during outings like picnicking or camping—they would play cheerfully in whatever conditions there were that day

• We’d chosen a rainy weekend to go car camping and even I felt miserable doing the work of tent-erection, food prep, etc.

• The children, though, were running about the woods and the edge of the nearby lake, looking for dry firewood, skipping rocks, commenting on the patterns of the raindrops on the water, and so on

• They didn’t attach any negative feelings to the day; only their parents did

• A major contributor to general human unhappiness are expectations: I plan an activity and without thinking about it I expect the weather to fit my plans; that is, I attach feelings in advance to the conditions on a future day

• You probably recognize experiencing this sort of conflict between expectations and reality; they’re easy to notice with only a little reflection

• The feelings we attach to the actions of others involve a deeper form of expectations; these are the ones we meet in false but familiar claims about how “it drives me crazy when…” or “I can’t stand it that…”

• The presumption is that the actions of others cause me to feel the way I do; but that is always false; feelings are not caused

• It’s just that we all acquire or create many deep-seated expectations about how others should behave

• Note the “should” in that last phrase: it denotes moral judgment

• The second most common contributor to unhappiness is moralizing

• That is, attaching moral terms—good, bad, right, wrong—to conduct which simply doesn’t match my expectations

• Of course moral judgments can and should be made, but only in accordance with some shared standards

• Expectations, like feelings—especially the deep-seated ones—are typically not shared; I very likely do not even notice or acknowledge them to myself

• So what follows from this? First, I have to examine my feelings when they are aroused; every time I’m tempted to say “It makes me…” provides an opportunity, because it’s always false to say anything makes me feel one way or another

• This observation has the startling consequence of rendering all the blues and love songs mistaken! You never hurt me—though my expectations were evidently not met (or even stated!)—nor made me happy either. Wow…

• I hope (a form of expectation, note) the point is clearer; I look forward to comments; next time we’ll address the question What is religion?